Lo and behold God is doing a work in me.
What I didn’t know is how INTENSE this process would be. I had the misguided thought that this Godly work was going to be easy and sweet, and smell like roses. Ha!
The way it’s been going down is that all the wrong thinking / guilt / shame / wrong doings of my past – things that were buried inside me are coming out of me. And the process stinks to tell you the truth. Sort of like rotting garbage, not at all like flowers. Besides that, I have been experiencing headaches, something I typically don’t suffer from. Skull crushing, temple throbbing, dull painful headaches.
I believe this is part of the cleaning up / healing process. I KNOW I need to get rid of the junk inside me – it is THAT stuff which is holding me back from experiencing God’s best. And the beautiful part of it all is that God is helping me – by coming inside and pushing the junk up and out. As my partner so beautifully said, when I am finally empty, God will put something new and fresh in its place. Getting rid of the old, to make way for the new.
All the ways I behaved when I did not love myself are coming into the light of day – out of the dungeon where my secret life was kept – all of the dark unholy stuff is finally being released – through confession and tears. Like clothing stored in an attic – piece by piece the dirty musty smelling clothes are being hung up on a clothes line – to be examined and ultimately thrown away.
Thank God I am with a partner who has the ability to stand with me in this process. He is strong when I am weak. He shows me unconditional love when I can’t bear myself. He is standing with me / and is for me, not against me. He protects me when I feel exposed and naked.
Even though I feel like I will collapse from this intense healing process – my baby tells me I am making it – I am strong – and I am handling it. I will survive.
I share this testimony – to encourage you – you CAN handle what comes your way – there is nothing to fear when you do the work of healing your past. It is pretty damn hard, but you can handle it.
God is LOVE. Trust Him with all of your heart. He wants THE BEST for you.
God bless you.