I have Choir practice every Tuesday night. Back in early October, I skipped a rehearsal to celebrate my birthday. Since that night, I’ve missed every practice in October and did not worship once in that month.

I’m not proud of that. And I’m not boasting. I am struggling. I can not nail it down – why am I resisting attending choir practice? Why am I pulling back? What’s going on? It’s true I’ve had valid reasons to skip rehearsal but there is something underneath this, and I don’t know what it is.

I am a member of the largest Church in America, and our Pastor is world renown. And even though I want to draw closer to God, and praise Him with song, lately I stayed away and I don’t know why.

It’s true I’ve been completely sleep deprived, and extremely tired and I keep a busy schedule – all of that is true but something is up. I just don’t know what it is.

Tonight I am forcing myself to go to rehearsal. I am dead tired after only getting 5 hours of sleep last night. But I am pushing myself to go – to investigate the why. I want to see what comes up for me when I’m there and see how it feels. Am I happy to be there? Am I lifted up? Do I feel like I belong? Is the choir family a group of people I want to be around? Or still be a part of? I think that answer is crucial.

I will let you know how it goes.

Have a blessed night.

About ishamisha

I am a mix of so many things, I can't begin to narrow it down, but I can tell you that I have equal opposites living inside me: calm and crazy, quiet and loud, serious and humorous, formal and casual. I'm big on showing love, and I have issues with myself and others...LOL. All my various personality traits will reveal themselves on this blog...just wait, and you'll see what I'm talking about.
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