Sometimes, like every single morning, ever since I can remember – I push myself to get out of bed.
It’s a daily struggle to wake up.
Back in the day, I shared a small bedroom with my younger sister. She, (the poor little thing) had the daily duty of waking me up for school – I love my sister to death – but her tactic was to be as mean as possible so I would respond and get out of bed!!! It makes me laugh to think about it now, but that poor girl had such a rough time dealing with my big tired butt each day. I never felt fully rested or energetic enough to have the ability to get up. I always felt like someone had drugged me whenever the alarm goes off. My Dad use to tell me that he never had to force me to go to bed at night as a child, because I was already there. There could be a big party going on in our house, and I’d head upstairs when I was tired.
This unmovable feeling every waking day is similar to the time I had major surgery, and was in ICU before eventually being moved to a regular hospital room. As the anesthesia was wearing off, a nurse stopped by and was very loudly instructing me to open my eyes. I could hear her words, but I was still so drugged up – my eyelids were literally unable to open, and on top of that, I couldn’t move my arms either to help open up my eyes. It was a very scary, disorienting moment, but it is similar to the way it goes almost every single morning. I feel like I’m trying to move a 250 pound dead weight body off the mattress. My head is in a fog, and I can’t see that well. My first thought when the alarm goes off is: No!and then I think: What day is it? And then I sigh because more times than not, it’s a workday, and then I just sort of basically feel crummy overall and that folks, is how I start my day. Ha !
My father on the other hand, was always loud and energetic in the morning. I would be the biggest grump, and he’d be whistling a joyful tune as he moved about the house. It makes me smile to think of him and the way he found happiness in his daily life. But I feel soooooo bad that back when I was a teenager, sleeping until easily 11:00 a.m. or 12:00 p.m. on the weekends, my father’s happy nature was a thorn in my side. Imagine that. Being irked by someone’s happy demeanor.
It makes me cringe to think about how I was and cringe to admit it now. But this was really how it went.
My family had a unique way of dealing with me – they would ignore me !!! I am guessing because they knew I’d come around as the day wore on. Once the heavy cloak of sleepiness / exhaustion wore off – the lighter side of me would show up. To this day, when I don’t sleep well or sleep too little, it messes me up completely. If I’m going to cry and be weak and feel like the world is just too much – it’s definitely going to happen when I’m tired/sleep deprived.
Does anyone else feel this way – or do I have a rare condition no one else has?
I’m now late for work and need to get the day started.