I started this blog initially as an opportunity to be creative, to write again, to inspire myself and maybe even inspire someone else, hopefully.
It is my desire to speak openly and honestly about the thoughts and feelings I have – even though it is scary to do just that. What if I’m rejected? What if what I say doesn’t make any sense? What if I receive criticism?
Those questions haven’t stopped me from putting myself out there for everyone in Internet Land to see – I have been showing the good and bad parts of me. The positive and the negative thoughts I have. The encouragement and the discouragement that flows out of me.
I know in my heart, I am being true to myself – speaking from a place of authenticity – and whether or not anyone else sees that – I decided to tell it like it is – from my own unique point of view. Maybe no one will agree with me or “get” me or bother to take the time to read what I write – but in any event, I want to put myself out there – because I don’t want to hide anymore. And above all, I don’t want to be fake – I want to be as true as I can.
But I guess it is confusing or may seem strange or pretentious – if I am praising God in one post and then I am utterly frustrated in the next (especially when I’m angry). You may think it is being hypocritical and phony to praise God one day, then turn around and be negative the next, but the truth is, I have many sides to my personality and not all of me is going to be super sweet and spiritual all of the time, every single day. I wish I could be super sweet all the time. I wish I could be super positive all the time. But the truth is, I am just me. So now what?
Well one thing I am working on is to be better at being consistent – to be steady – to not be up, down, and all around. But that is exactly what happens when I let my emotions control me. When I give in to anger. When I let my grumpiness take over.
But deep down I want to change. To grow up. To mature. To feel the feelings I genuinely have, but not act from them – especially when the feelings are destructive and negative. I want to change, and I also want to admit I have a long way to go. I am that cliche: I’m a work in progress.
And this is where praising God comes in. God’s love for me, covers all my sin. God’s love accepts me as I am, no matter what. God tells me I am perfect – as is. He created me and He doesn’t make mistakes!
I may feel like a good-for-nothing, even a total loser but God says I am an Overcomer. I am Victorious. I have been fearfully and wonderfully made!
I can easily feel bad about myself, but God says: lift your head up high, stand tall, and grab hold of all the blessings I gave you and all the blessings I have in store for you.
You see, it’s all just a mind game. It’s mental!!! Either I can allow myself to focus on the negative or soak in all the positive. It is completely up to me. God has given me everything I need to have an awesome life, but if I keep myself locked in my head of negativity – I will prevent myself from living the best life.
I will remain in a stuck position. Living in fear, living in doubt, living in insecurity, and ultimately living in pain.
God has given me the key to unlock the door to His Kingdom. Will I turn the key?
I praise God for His unending love. I praise God for loving me as deeply as He does. I praise God for guiding me in this process of change.
I struggle with believing the thought that I can and will change. But I need to have faith that I will. I need to trust God more.